I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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