U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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