I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize