they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The uberlube is also flammable
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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