somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
