she woke up with a sticky ear
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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