How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
