this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
