Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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