thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
