My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
