I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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