He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My life is pants optional.
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