Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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