So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
