My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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