you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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