He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
