i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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