Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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