we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize