I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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