So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
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He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
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We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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