Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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