holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
