I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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