she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
