you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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