Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
