I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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