Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
