It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
