You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
