And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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