I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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