our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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