Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Couch. On fire.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
