Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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