i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
