that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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