Whod you bang
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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