if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
