what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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