having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
