On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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