I got chris browned last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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