she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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