Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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