dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize