I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
