Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm bleeding and have questions
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
