Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
