Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
