I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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