You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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