Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
