I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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