My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
