I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
