When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
