shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
