just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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