I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
