if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
