what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
