So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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