i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
