Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
