Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
