so explain again why im purple
no
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
