You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
