I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
