please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
