I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
